Starting the summer out by getting braces is not the way to go, but it had to happen, AGAIN. After a dreaded visit to the orthodontist to get my bottom braces, I have now gone two weeks with these lovely additions, and I'm already ready for them to be gone. 5 months and 2 weeks to go!
During these past two weeks, along with having braces, I have been searching for a cute one piece swimsuit to wear to BigStuf at the end of July. I have had absolutely no luck with that, and I have decided that swimsuit shopping is probably the worst thing ever. But, I will not let that get to me, and I WILL find a swimsuit before July 18th, because, even though my birthday happens while we will be out of town, I don't think anyone would appreciate me wearing nothing but my birthday suit.
On a lighter note, yesterday, I was called old by a four year old. Yes, I am getting older, but I didn't think I was to the point yet where little kids would call me that. Apparently, 21 years is a long time, and according to little miss. Payton, I will start to grow gray and white hair out of my face when I get even older (which could possibly happen soon lol). The first thing that popped into my mind when she said that was that I was going to look like Santa. Lovely. I guess I will just have to watch out for those little hairs. haha
Today it has been a year since my Papaw passed away. This morning while I was getting ready and eating breakfast I was trying to think of what I was doing at this time last year. I remember getting up and getting ready to go to class. I remember that my mom was still home when I left, and Sean was home, because it was spring break for them. I remember riding to campus with my windows rolled down listening to this one song fromt the Twilight Soundtrack that I had fallen in love with. I went to class and left early because I wasn't feeling all that well. I went straight home because I had an hour or so before work. When I got home mom was in the kitchen making lunch, and I decided since I wasn't feeling well, that I was going to go take a nap. I wasn't in my bed for five minutes before I heard mom coming up the stairs crying and screaming. I remember coming out of my room and seeing her falling on the staircase trying to tell us between her cries and gasps for air, that our papaw had just died. I remember Sean saying "no!" over and over again and all I could do was try to keep myself together and help mom get up the stairs. I helped her get to her bedroom, so that she could call her other family members. As soon as she was on the phone and Sean was with her, I went downstairs and called a family friend, Barbara Rabil. I had no idea what to do. My mom's family, including Papaw, were all in Mississippi, a ten hour drive away from us. Barbara told me to be strong and go upstairs and help Mom and Sean get packed and get ready to leave. We had to make that drive on this night. A lot happened in that day, and yes, it came a time where I could not hold myself together anymore, and I lost it, but I didn't let Mom or Sean know that, because if I lost it, they would too and we wouldn't get anything accomplished then.
There are many days in my life that I don't know what I ate for breakfast, that I don't remember what I say, and that I just don't care about honestly, but this day, I will never forget. I won't forget what song I was listening to, I won't forget how I felt, I won't forget the presence of death in our house and our family. I also won't forget how people from our church came over and prayed over our family, or how our friends came over and helped us get things together so that we could leave. God was there, in our presence, and I know He helped me to keep my emotions and my hurt self together for my mom and my brother. He helped us take that ten hour drive and safely helped us arrive without any problems or complications. I know that God is with me in the hard times and the good times, even when it's hard for me to feel his presence.
To this day, I think about my Papaw everyday and I will never forget the impact he had on my life as well as others. He did great things with his life, and I just pray that I can do the same things with my life. I miss him, and I always will, but I also know that one day, soon, I will see him again, inside of the gates of heaven. I love you and I miss you Papaw Jackson! See you soon!
Just updating to say that I am, in fact, getting two degrees instead of switching majors. As soon as I graduate, I am going back to nursing school. I have made a complete circle, I know, but I am very excited about this! Just an update...but for now, I have to get back to writing those horrible long lesson plans.
I never realized how much life can get in the way of keeping up with a simple blog. I keep trying to write on here, then I either forget, have no time, or get to tired.
Anywho...I'm trying yet again to write on here regularly. :)
To start where I left off in my last post, I went to El Paso to visit my daddy back in July, it was amazing! A few days after I arrived in El Paso, we took a road trip to the Grand Canyon, Hoover Dam, Las Vegas, and San Diego! I played my first slot machine on this trip, and it was overall a wonderful daddy/daughter bonding experience. By the end of our road trip, we were both very tired, but it was completely worth it.
The next major event was Daddy's 48th Birthday, which was August 18th. Shortly after that, daddy came home from El Paso for good! Next was my fast and rather dumb decision to date and get in a relationship with Justin. I met him, went on a few dates and within two weeks was in a relationship with him. Not the best idea I have ever made. Needless to say, we didn't last very long. I think I was just really excited about being in a relationship again, and I didn't see all of the things that I should have. Next was Halloween! Jaime, Jason, Amanda, and I spent our night going to parties. We went to the "redneck" party at Heather and TJ's, then we went to Carlos' party! I was dressed as a pirate this year, Jaime was Alice in Wonderland, Jason was a cowboy, and Amanda was a vampire. We had lots of fun! These were one of the few Halloween parties that I have ever been to, and I was definitely not disapointed!
In November, Sean's football team had a ton of games and a few in the playoffs to end the season. Mom had her 48th birthday on the 25 of November. I also met Zach in November, and dated him for a little over a month, nothing serious, but we realized it wasn't going to be beneficial to either of us to continue the relationship. After all that drama, Daddy, Mom, Sean, and I took a family trip to Disney World the week before Christmas. It was really cold, crowded, and stressful. Just overall, not the best trip ever, but we still made the best of it. Grandma and Grandpa were suppose to join us, but ended up not being able to make it do to my greatgrandmother becoming ill. I don't have my Disney pictures saved to my computer, so I will upload some of those later! When we got back in town, my college sunday school class took a trip to Atlanta to go ice skating. We ended up getting free tickets to the Thrashers game that night, so we had a little change of plans! My first ice hockey game ever and the Thrashers won!
Then, we had Christmas, which we spent here at home! We canceled our annual trip to Mississippi since we were going to Disney. We spent New Years here as well...I didn't go to any big party or anything, kinda just spent it alone. This month has been a tad bit crazy getting back to classes and work and such. I am taking 6 classes this semester, five of which are Education classes with field experience, which makes me a little crazy! I spend my nights and weekends doing homework now, and I will probably have no life for the next 4 months, but hey....I'm almost finished. I keep reminding myself this fact.
Last night I went down to Athens to visit some friends, and that is one huge party town, there were so many people out barhopping and such, and it was really hard for me to figure out how they could find the time to do that and yet still be going to UGA, while I'm at home on most nights doing homework and I'm only at KSU. It's crazy how things are so different, yet so close to home. I enjoyed my visit, and I loved getting to actually be in a real college town, that isn't Kennesaw.
For now, I think I have caught you up on mostly everything since July. Oh, daddy has been unemployed for awhile now, and he finally got a 6-month job with the Coast Guard, and is currently up in Washington D.C. so, even though he isn't here with us, atleast we now have an income again.
Until we meet again...
Nineteen has come and gone...twenty is finally here, and boy do I feel old! My birthday was Monday and this year I had no big celebration or anything, I just hung out around the house with mom and then we went out to eat. Today I am on my way to El Paso, Texas to visit dad, I guess you could call it a belated birthday present that takes me away from my everyday life. I'm grateful for a chance to get away from it all for a few days and to visit my daddy while he's working down here for the Coast Guard. Currently, I am sitting in the Phoniex, Arizona waiting on my flight to El Paso which leaves in a little over an hour. This is my second plane ride ever, and my first plane ride on my own. I was a little nervous this morning leaving Atlanta, but I think I'm all good now....just relaxed and not in any hurries. I kinda like it. I'm excited to get to be able to have time to myself this coming up week and then to get to spend time with daddy when he gets off. I've needed a vacation since last summer. haha. This is it! Kinda. Mom and I were talking about my flights last night and we both prayed that I would not get stuck sitting next to a creeper, but maybe my future husband. On the flight from Atlanta to Phoneix, I was seated next to a six year old boy. Just God's way of being funny and trying to keep me distracted on the flight. Definitely not my future husband, I'll admit that I'm not a creeper like that. Maybe this flight will hold better luck for me.
The airport is a scary place to be when you're all alone. Especially when you've never been this far from home and you are not aware of the things around you. I have to keep a watchful eye on everything of mine at all times because there's no one here to do it for me. People here who are suppose to be everyday people like me are creepers! Like the hairy man that boarded on my earlier flight...haha. Hopefully it will be different when I land in El Paso...no hairy men. :)
There's something about my life lately that doesn't seem quite right. Sometimes I feel like the invisible person. At work, I am just the babysitter who watches the kids and drops them off at a certain time, really no appreciation other than the money. At home, I am Chelsea, that's all. I'm not the big hot shot football player with the sweet significant other who spends half of her life at our house, I'm just the daughter who does nothing of any imporatance. At church, well, I don't even know where to begin there. I have pretty much become the one people always forget about at church, I can't figure out where I belong, who I belong with. At ASP I'm the one who always seems to be doing the wrong thing, while everyone else has it spot on. At school, I'm that girl...ya know, the one who sits there and listens but doesn't interact unless she has to, and when she does she never seems to have anything intelligent to say. To my "friends", I'm apparently the girl with the big mouth who will befriend you too much if that is even possible. I thought that I had figured out who I was inside and out, but now, even if I am this person, I'm not so sure I want to be. Is it possible to change who others think you are?
This is something that really gets me. I have this friend whom I've literally grown up with, (I've known him since we were 7). We have had our ups and downs over the years, but all in all we are close friends, atleast I thought we were. About a week ago this boy tells me that he doesn't have time and doesn't want to talk to me, and we're not talking about just for that day...this will be for awhile. Granit, this happens alot between us, the no talking thing that is, but he has never said anything to me quite like that. I don't get it. If we are friends, good friends at that, why wouldn't we talk or hang out or do whatever it is that friends do. I love him and I feel like I can be open and honest with him, but apparently these feelings are not mutual. I asked him if we were still friends or if he even wanted to be, and he said "yes, I never said we weren't friends Chelsea". How can you be friends with someone if you don't have a relationship? Right. So now, at church or wherever I might run into him, I seem to not exist, I don't even get a simple "hello". Nothing. You wanna break a girl's heart, that's the way to do it.
Now, I realize that I am and will probably always be a very sensitive person, but how else was I suppose to take that comment? I took it straight to heart, as I believe I should have.
I'm sick of being that girl. The girl who changed her major from a high-paying glorious one to an easy one that basically anyone could do. The girl boys see as a friend or even an object, but not relationship material. The girl that hasn't dedicated her life to playing sports like her champion brother. The girl that won't stop talking. The girl that people see as invisible. The girl that has no idea what she's doing or why she's doing it, but she just is. The girl who doesn't interact correctly with others. I'm done.
I want to be something new, someone new, and go somewhere new. I want to start over brand new. I want to be the girl who has a serious relationship, the one who knows what she will do with her life, the one that is athletic, pretty, skinny, perfect. I'm tired of "not existing". I want new friends, I want to get rid of all the old ones and have a different life.
I don't want to be invisible.
I have had this past week off from babysitting, so I have spent it relaxing and hanging out. Daddy came home last night for a weekend visit, and today we had a family day. We all went out to eat for lunch...a Zucca day actually, then Daddy and I went shopping for some computers. I am on my new fabulous Acer as we speak! I am very excited about it and how it will be so much better for me to carry around school compared to my other one which was like 20 pounds. It's not the Dell that I am used to, but I'm pretty positive that I can and will adjust to this one. In between us going from store to store to shop around for a laptop, we ended up stopping to help a guy who had run out of gas on Barrett Parkway. He basically opened up to us and told us about his entire life in the five minutes that we drove him to the gas station and back to his car. He was probably in his mid-thirties and he had 5 kids all under the age of 12. He told us that his wife had left him and that she took the kids with her. He had lost his job a few weeks ago, and was on his way to see his probation officer to pay a speeding ticket that he did not pay on time due to the fact that he lost his job and didn't have the money. It was 4:00 while all this was going on and if he didn't meet with his probation officer before 6:00 the police were going to put a warrant out for his arrest. This guy was having a bad day if you ask me. It made me start thinking about how most of us think that we have to rough it if we don't have the computer we want or if we don't get to go out to eat every weekend, but really, we have no idea what having a bad day is. When my daddy was laid off from his job we had to cut back on alot of our spending and eating out and such, but this guy has lost his family because of it, and is getting into trouble with the police because he doesn't have enough money to pay for a ticket.
Today, not only do I have a new laptop to start fresh on, I also have a new outlook on life. I have decided that taking things for granit is not the way to live life. I need to be thankful for the small things in life and not worry about the things that I don't have or need. Unlike the guy we met today, I have a loving family, some fabulous friends, and more than some people will ever have in their entire life, and I am very thankful for that.