Today it has been a year since my Papaw passed away. This morning while I was getting ready and eating breakfast I was trying to think of what I was doing at this time last year. I remember getting up and getting ready to go to class. I remember that my mom was still home when I left, and Sean was home, because it was spring break for them. I remember riding to campus with my windows rolled down listening to this one song fromt the Twilight Soundtrack that I had fallen in love with. I went to class and left early because I wasn't feeling all that well. I went straight home because I had an hour or so before work. When I got home mom was in the kitchen making lunch, and I decided since I wasn't feeling well, that I was going to go take a nap. I wasn't in my bed for five minutes before I heard mom coming up the stairs crying and screaming. I remember coming out of my room and seeing her falling on the staircase trying to tell us between her cries and gasps for air, that our papaw had just died. I remember Sean saying "no!" over and over again and all I could do was try to keep myself together and help mom get up the stairs. I helped her get to her bedroom, so that she could call her other family members. As soon as she was on the phone and Sean was with her, I went downstairs and called a family friend, Barbara Rabil. I had no idea what to do. My mom's family, including Papaw, were all in Mississippi, a ten hour drive away from us. Barbara told me to be strong and go upstairs and help Mom and Sean get packed and get ready to leave. We had to make that drive on this night. A lot happened in that day, and yes, it came a time where I could not hold myself together anymore, and I lost it, but I didn't let Mom or Sean know that, because if I lost it, they would too and we wouldn't get anything accomplished then.
There are many days in my life that I don't know what I ate for breakfast, that I don't remember what I say, and that I just don't care about honestly, but this day, I will never forget. I won't forget what song I was listening to, I won't forget how I felt, I won't forget the presence of death in our house and our family. I also won't forget how people from our church came over and prayed over our family, or how our friends came over and helped us get things together so that we could leave. God was there, in our presence, and I know He helped me to keep my emotions and my hurt self together for my mom and my brother. He helped us take that ten hour drive and safely helped us arrive without any problems or complications. I know that God is with me in the hard times and the good times, even when it's hard for me to feel his presence.
To this day, I think about my Papaw everyday and I will never forget the impact he had on my life as well as others. He did great things with his life, and I just pray that I can do the same things with my life. I miss him, and I always will, but I also know that one day, soon, I will see him again, inside of the gates of heaven. I love you and I miss you Papaw Jackson! See you soon!